What I Learned on College Tours With My Kids

My brother’s children are 17 and almost 13, and mine are 16 and 15. My parents went from wondering if they were ever going to have grandchildren to having four in less than five years. As children reach these ages, we parents start planning for our children’s post-high school life with no certainty about what the outcome will be or how that journey will evolve. It is something my brother and I talk about, but it is also a question friends and family ask often: What are the children thinking about for life after high school?

A compilation of photos we took along the way.

Over the last year, I have found myself talking about college plans, going on college tours, and reflecting on how higher education and its value have changed. This is not a post about tuition and the value of higher education. It is about what campus visits have taught me about my children, and a few things I wish I had known going in. 

Last summer, I started floating the idea of visiting a few college campuses in our region or working them into a larger trip. My son, Cade, is in his junior year of high school and is approaching this as an exploration process. For him, all paths are on the table, but the decision itself feels intimidating. My daughter, Liberty, is in her sophomore year of high school and she has some strong preferences for what she wants (and does not want) in a school.

There are three different types of “college tours”: the official, the walk-around, and the drive-through. Ironically, parents and students alike use the term “college tour” to describe any of the three without really differentiating.  Over the last couple years, my kids and I have done at least a few of each of these.

The Drive-Through Tour

This is when the family drives through or around campus without any interactions. “Tour” is definitely too strong of a word to describe this visit. Sometimes these are planned, other times you see a college campus and you drive on campus. It is not the most fulfilling or informative experience, but it can be a useful first impression to decide whether a campus belongs on a follow-up list.

Unfortunately, conversations on these tours move from a potential college experience to a critique of the architecture and building materials. I recall a few years ago, we were driving around a beautiful campus with Aunt Reeda. She casually asked how much it cost.  Cade looked it up, read the number aloud, and we all winced.

My takeaway: drive-through tours are best for first impressions, but do not confuse “beautiful” with “right.”

The Walk-Around Tour

The walk-around tour is when you park, get out, and explore on foot. You try a few buildings, maybe talk to someone, and get a feel for the campus without a big time investment.  This is where you learn about walkability, layout, and whether the place feels comfortable beyond the curated photos on the web site and social media sites.

I remember driving by a school that I knew had an amazing library. We walked around for a bit and tried a door, but it was locked. It was during summer break, but I suggested we walk around and look for another entrance. Liberty pulled the plug with the proverbial tap on the shoulder and said, “We should go.”

My takeaway: walk-arounds reveal comfort level fast, especially for students who know what they want. 

The Official Tour

The official tour is the one you schedule through the admissions office. You meet with admissions staff, go on a tour with students, and sometimes speak with a professor or program team.  It takes more planning and is usually a two-to-three-hour commitment, but you learn far more and you get a clearer sense of the school’s real vibe.

One time, the vibe was definitely off, and we decided to leave before the tour even began. I also learned that parents should be ready to ask questions.  We all want our kids to lead the process, but after a few minutes of silence, I will jump in with a question or two to get the conversation moving.

If your child is genuinely likes a school, consider applying. Scholarships and assistance are not always fully communicated until after students have been accepted.

My takeaway: official tours are worth it when your child is ready to compare schools, and you should be ready to ask questions because your child may not.

All in all, here are four pieces of advice:

1.        Pick up a copy of the student newspaper. Look for the student voice. Are there real opinions, real issues, and real humor?

2.        Find a place you want to be. Your child is going to be spending a lot of time there, make sure it feels like a place where they can picture a daily life, not just a visit.

3.        Ask alumni and students about their college selection process.  What schools made their short list and why did they choose this school? Often, we encountered admissions staff who were alumni and learned more from them, especially because few of them aspired to be admissions counselors when they enrolled.

4.        Ask about paid work experiences. Ask both admissions staff and students about work-study, campus jobs, internships, and other opportunities. One of our best conversations was with a student tour guide who shared entrepreneurial tips about finding work on campus.

As a parent, it has been hard to separate myself from the criteria I was using 30 years ago. I am certain my children heard far more anecdotes about my college experience than they were expecting. In the end, I encourage you to keep an open mind and trust your children, both those looking at a college and any siblings along for the trip. I was constantly reminded that Cade and Liberty are each other’s best advocates. They look out for each other, and they can tell quickly when something is not the right fit. It is both reassuring and heartwarming.

I do not know where the roads lead in this case, but I am enjoying the journey.